Obligatory psychotic jackass

The first time Logan sees the door, it's sitting in the middle of a subway platform.

It's just a door, being a door. There is nothing special about it. Except that it absolutely, positively should not be there.

Logan looks at the rush-hour commuters around him. They take no notice of the door.

He walks toward it, wary, as if it could open up and swallow him against his will.

On the other side, there is no sign of the door at all. He can see only the subway tracks and milling people.

He sighs heavily and reaches toward the knob. The temptation to touch it, to enter the magical, unreal world of Milliways is strong. He thinks of his friends there, past and present, dead and alive. Of Amy, Behrooz. Of Lilly.

Logan doesn't think of Veronica (Logan never lets himself think of Veronica).

But he thinks of others, and of fried paradoxes and baseball games and impossible parties.

He his hand touches the knob, the metal warm where it should be cool. He starts to turn it, and then...

The vibration of his cell makes him pull his hand away and the real world comes rushing back. He pulls the phone out, and in that moment the door vanishes, as if to say: Fine. Choose reality over me. See if I care.

For a moment, he thinks again about the place he hasn't been for more than year and all the people he misses, but as soon as he looks down to check his texts the moment is lost and the real world again crowds his mind.

Logan gets to New York with something he didn't have a day ago: A plan.

It's not much of a plan, but it's enough of one that he feels like he can call Trina for the first time since leaving California.

She's not exactly pleased with him, and lets him know, in no uncertain terms, that if he ever disappears and fails to call her in the future, he will regret it.

Those aren't her exact words, but it's the gist of what she said.

Logan apologizes, and then explains his next steps.

"I'm going to be staying with a friend from high school - you probably don't remember Greg, but he's at Columbia, has some fancy apartment on the Upper West side."

Financed by his parents, of course, but then, Greg's doing what he's supposed to do. Going to college moving forward with his life. Growing up.

Maybe Logan can pick up a few pointers on that.

"Anyway, guess it's big enough that I can crash there until I'm on my feet. Find a job, help me sell my car, you know. It'll all be fine."

They chat for a few more minutes - mostly about Eliza. Trina promises to e-mail photos and Logan promises not to leave her hanging again. He hangs up and drives into the city, ready to face whatever comes next.

By the end of the week, the car is fixed and Logan's ready to move on down the road.

It's harder to leave than he'd expected. Not because he had any deep love for Ohio, or for the diner, but because he's made a connection with Annie.

It's not anything he can name - it's not a crush, not really. But he feels at ease around her in ways he's never felt around anyone else in this world. In Milliways, perhaps, but not here. She's not interested in his Hollywood tragedy, as E!Entertainment Television likes to call it, but she likes his jokes and his teasing.

He almost wishes he could stay longer, to see if he can tease some of the sadness out of her eyes, or at least get her to tell him enough about her life so he'll know what her 'responsibilities' are.

She never opens up. He doesn't push. It's not like he's going to be a permanent part of her life, and now that his car's fixed, he shouldn't even care.

But on his last day at the diner, he finds every excuse he can to talk to her, tease a laugh out of her. He takes special note of the way her eyes crinkle up when she laughs and how the sunlight plays in her hair when she pours coffee.

And when the day is over, they grab a beer at the roadhouse, talk like normal, and part early, as she's got an early shift the next day.

He never tells her he's leaving.

And when the next day dawns, he's already on the road, determined to get to the city and forget he was ever in a that small town outside Dayton, Ohio.

Logan and Meg made a list prioritizing the servants they need to talk to. It was easy enough to leave out the bulk of the cleaning staff, the kitchen staff and the stablehands. From there, things got a little complicated.

They've talked to the palace guards (who offered helpful details on the kidnapping, though very little of use about who might be responsible), the chambermaids (only one of whom admitted to noticing anything odd, though the relevance of noises in the corridor was negligible), and Perry and Amy's personal secretaries (who were helpful in determining who knew the King and Queen's schedule). Perry's secretary Alfred is particularly helpful, as he's been keeping Perry's calendar for 18 years, though he could offer no insight into who (besides the evil uncle, obviously) would want the King and Queen out of the way.

Logan and Meg switch gears when a new list arrived with the names of the courtiers who live at the palace. They talk to a few minor nobles (who were silly, scared and worse than useless). They planned to interview Amy's ladies-in-waiting, but tackled the pages first. The young noblemen training for the knighthood were legion and Logan wants through their ranks as quickly as possible.

"There are just way too many people here," Logan says, scratching the name off the latest interview subject. "And too few with any reason to get involved in this kind of harebrained scheme."

Perry and Amy are clearly beloved, as are the Princess Royal and the young heir to the throne. So far, no one's protestations of shock and horror have rung at all false.

1. The plea for help

Amy seeks help from millifriends - in-bar. Logan and Meg are chatting, Amy is pale and tragic, and they go immediately. Well. As soon as Meg is convinced.

2. The investigation begins

Amy provides a list of people to interview - a huge list of staff, guests, visitors. Meg & Logan have to figure out where the hell to start and what to ask. We could start an interrogation here, but it might work better in its own thread.

3. Interrogation 1
Let's start with the page - we can reference all the interviews they've done of other pages and how unhelpful they are.

(Also a good place to reference the chambermaid, who is not involved in the plot in the sligthtest, but has heard odd noises coming from a passageway that has no rooms off of it (or something like this. It's a dead end, but she's hearing things from beyond the wall). Logan and Meg initially dismiss her comments, but later, they will remember them. Perhaps they make a crack about her craziness.)

The page will fold quickly and easily and give up Lord Julius. He will also mention something about the meeting place, which he never was able to find, although he followed Lord Julius on several occasions.

4. Interrogation 2

Lord Julius is a slippery fish and tries to discredit the page. Logan and Meg get nowhere.

5. Snooping around

They get the chambermaid and the page to show them the places they mentioned. Amazingly, it is the same corridor! Which means secret chamber. Logan finds it (convenient leaning? Pulling a torch? Something somewhat cliche and silly.) and he and Meg proceed to snoop around what is clearly a Room for Plotting Dastardly Deeds. They find some pretty solid evidence implicating Lord Julius - a letter to the Evil Uncle - and try to leave with it.

They are caught by Lord Julius as they reenter the hallway. Lord Julius has a very sharp knife, which he threatens the pair with, but Logan talks his way out of it. Probably by insinuating (or just saying) that he and Meg were sneaking off for a little sexy time. Perhaps not quite in those words. He will get throughly chewed out by Meg for this, I expect, but I also don't think he cares.

6. The accusation! And imprisonment of the protocol officer

It was almost inevitable, really, Logan thinks as he closes the hood on his car. Go on a cross-country road trip with no real plan or expectation or, you know, money, and something bad is going to happen.

In this case, it was a smoking, overheated engine. Logan calls a tow truck outside Dayton, Ohio, and books a motel room near the garage.

He gets the bad news the next day.

"Yeah, your water pump's gone," the mechanic says soberly. "Blew a gasket, too."

Logan frowns. "That's expensive, right?"

"On this car?" the mechanic (his name patch says his name is 'Floyd') says, indicating the Land Rover. "Yeah. Gotta order the part."

Logan sighs. "How long's that gonna take?"

"Week, maybe," Floyd says, shrugging. "Maybe more. Depends. It's a holiday, innit?"

"Is it?" Logan asks, eyeing the man curiously.

"Yep," he says. "Just about New Year's Eve. So that could complicate things."

"Huh," Logan says. "Didn't realize that much time had gone by."

A night here, a night there - he hasn't been in any particular hurry. It's been a meandering trip. One that's apparently taken a toll on his car.

The mechanic's still staring at him, and Logan returns to the moment abruptly. "Any place around here I can get a job? Just 'til it's fixed?"

Floyd shrugs. "We've got a temp labor agency over 'cross the highway. Don't know how much work they'll have this time of year, but they might be able to get you something."

Logan nods. "You just look after my car."

Floyd nods back. "Can do. She's a fine piece of work."

An hour later, after a cold, fruitless walk to the labor agency, Logan's got a brand-new occupation: Snow-shoveler, dish-washer and busboy for the diner in motel.

It's not glamorous, but it'll do. Until his car gets fixed.

Logan comes awake - if he was asleep, which isn't something he'd bank on just now - with a start.

"Oh, hell," he says, seeing the sun's on the horizon. "Did I miss it? Did I miss Christmas?"

He leaps to his feet (with more energy than anyone who drank as much as he did had any right, especially on what amounts to no sleep at all) and races off the beach and into a nearby diner. "Did I miss it?" he asks excitedly. "Is it over yet?"

The sleepy waitress, whose shift ends in five mminutes, stares at him. "What are you talking about, hon?"

She reaches under the counter to grab a phone, just in case this crazy young kid is dangerous. He looks harmless enough, but you never know. Drugs, right?

Logan beams at her. "Christmas. It's still Christmas, right?"

"Yeah," she says, staring. "Yeah, it's Christmas. And I'm about to close up, 'cause of that-" She breaks off as the kid tears out of the shop.

Logan heads across the street, practically dancing. He's got so much to do! A future to revise. A sister to apologize to -

With that thought, though, he stops and becomes rather more somber. He's not sure he can make it up to Trina, really. Not now. Maybe not ever.

"Spare some change on Christmas?" a creaky voice asks, and Logan looks to see a homeless guy holding out a hand. "I ain't got much to celebrate, I guess, but I'd sure like to try."

Logan beams. "Yeah, yeah, I can do that. What do you need?" Without waiting for the guy to answer, Logan starts thinking out loud. "A feast. That's what you need. A feast for everybody!"

Without waiting for the homeless guy to answer, Logan tears back into the diner. "I need a feast. Where should I get one?"

The waitress stares at him some more. "I guess you could try Gino's, on the corner, but I don't think he's open -" And Logan's off again, leaving the waitress gazing after him. She does call the cops, this time. That kind of behavior can't be normal. Can it?

Gino's is not, in fact, open, but they do have a gorgeous Christmas feast in the window, and Logan's decided that it's his. He'll leave money, of course, but he can't wait. The feast must be had! Now! Today!

The door's easy enough to break into - shatter the glass, open the lock, and he's in. The alarm goes off, but he's sure he'll be in and out before the cops come, and once the owner sees the money Logan's left, it'll all be fine.

Not the case. He gets the feast out, sends the homeless guy off with a shopping cart full of fat things, but is himself caught, arrested.

The cops have a good laugh over the crazy kid, but he's committed a crime. They have to arrest him, at least until he's calmed down (sobered up?) some. They suspect meth, or cocaine, and arrange a Breathalyzer and a blood test.

Logan's in the cell until the cops get ahold of the store owner, who declines to press charges against the crazy kid.

"He was trying to do something good in a crazy way. And he paid for everything, so whatever," Fred Morris said. "It's Christmas. Let the kid go home to his family."

Free at last, Logan returns to Neptune, gets in his car, and drives. An hour outside the city, he calls his lawyer.

"Bev? Logan. I need you to take care of a few costs for me - What? Yeah, I was arrested. No, no charges brought, just...stupid stuff. And, um. Can you call Trina and tell her I'm OK?"

Pause for Bev to ask if he's really OK, because she's not actually sure.

"Yeah, I'm fine. No, I've just gotta get out of town for a while. But I don't want her to worry."

Not that she has time or energy to worry, right now. Still. It's best to set her mind at ease.

It just sort of...happens. And it's not like he knew Extra #4 had a line - he figures nobody would ever miss her. She's just another blonde with a heart-shaped face and a sexy mouth. Who'd have thought she could actually act?

But apparently Extra #4 is indispensable to the movie, and the director sends a troop of PAs looking for her.

What they find is not what they had been wanting to see. Extra #4 naked, maybe. Extra #4 and Logan, also naked, with the girl on her knees in front of him, maybe not so much.

"Oh, dude," said Frank, the guy who finds them. "Did you have to do it at craft services? I'm never gonna be able to eat here again."

And in less than five minutes, Extra #4 is in front of the camera (she'd already had one line, and had to deliver the next one) and Logan is in front of the building, holding a small box containing the few items he had brought to work with him.

"Well, shit," he says.

As he wakes up for the second time that night, Logan feels a small, cool hand brushing the sand out of his eyes.

He sits up, more sand falling from his face as he does so. "Uh, thanks. What, uh, what happened? What time is it?"

Not waiting for an answer, he pulls out his phone and checks the time. 1 a.m. Huh. He could have sworn it was that late when he got to the beach...had he missed a whole day? Not likely; the cops would have hauled his ass off to jail if he had been passed out on the beach in the daylight. But the time thing is weird.

When he doesn't get an answer to anything he asked, not even a noncommital, 'No idea, dude,' he looks away from the phone and toward the helpful stranger.

It's a strange thing to see a friend from another world on a beach in your own, but at least she's still alive. Seeing your dead father definitely is hard to top.

When your friend, the Queen of Ambergeldar, pushes back her hood and smiles at you, giving off a soft, glowing light, you might reconsider how you define 'strange.'

"Are you the spirit that was foretold?" Logan asks, stupidly parroting back the lines he remembers from the movie.

Logan's taking a break from the delivery room. He can't take Trina's swearing and Chad's flushed, frantic expression any more. Besides, he's hungry, and figures the vending machine has to have a granola bar in it. Or a Snickers, at the very least.

He also gets a cup of coffee out of the machine - it's been a long day already, and he's not sure how much longer it's going to take for this kid to get born. He wants to breathe air that doesn't smell like hospital and not be in the room for at least some of the time his sister's genitalia is part of the main event.

The whole thing looks pretty awful, as far as he can tell, but the nurses keep assuring him that everything is fine, that it's routine and there's no reason to worry.

Logan accepts the advice, and although Chad can't seem to believe it, it doesn't stop him from repeating it over and over again any time Trina starts yelling obscenities. He gets the TV remote control thrown at him for his efforts, and that's when Logan decides it's time to make his escape for a little while.

It seems fortuitously timed, because when he goes back into Trina's room, all the drama is over. Chad's leaning heavily on the bed, staring down at the tiny bundle in Trina's arms, and his sister has an exhausted, pleased smile on her face as she looks up from her daughter's face.

"Come meet your niece, little brother."

The first time he looks at her, Eliza Elinor smiles. (Well. Her mouth curls up a little at the edges. It totally counts.) When he holds her, his only thought is, "Oh." It's a pretty meaningful "oh," though, filled a sense of kinship he never imagined you could feel in an instant.

(Later, he wonders if Trina felt like this when he was born. Somehow, given the family situation at the time, he doubts that very much.)

"She's perfect," Logan says quietly, and then she starts to fuss. Startled, he hands her back to Trina (her mother, God, how weird is that?) and exits again as the nurses start to explain how to breastfeed. He's seen enough of Trina's unmentionables for today.

It's a good time to start texting interested parties that labor is over, the baby is healthy and Trina is thrilled.